Ancient Persian Zombie Mural

Recently the research team at Maroonbeard.com came across this Ancient Persian Zombie Mural and we just had to share it! This proves once again that Zombies have a far-reaching and timeless presence in the history of civilization.

as we navigate this desert by our cold, dead reckoning.

as we navigate this desert by our
cold, dead reckoning.

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Rockers: More Obscurely Referenced Jethro Tull Fan Art

Hi Jethro Tull Fans! I made a weird picture with some somewhat obscure song references for the amateur Jethro Tull Fan. I’m sure die-hard fans will get the references quite easily. I do realize that I left out all the animals from Bungle in the Jungle, but I didn’t feel like drawing a Jungle’s worth of animals…

Bungle in the Bedroom

Bungle in the Bedroom

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New Free Children’s Book! There’s A Puppy In My Tummy.

My latest children’s book is now available for download!

I have added another short Children’s Book to my collection, it’s called ‘There’s A Puppy In My Tummy” and it is probably my cutesiest and least insane book to date. It’s directed to ages 0-4, if I were actually a “real” children’s book author I would print it as a board book.

This week it’s available as a FREE DOWNLOAD on amazon!

 Just click the ad to be directed to the amazon listing!

GRRRRRR!

GRRRRRR!

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Mindless Star Wars Art for Traffic

What drives the most traffic on the internet aside from dirty pictures? Star Wars. Also internet creeps like things that are mindlessly stupid and random, and they really like it when you combine Star Wars with stuff that is mindless and random; Angry Birds? Stars Wars? Sure! Why not?! Cute little animals? Star Wars? YAY!

So, I was thinking, Fruits and Vegetables? Star Wars? They go together like peas and razor blades! Therefore I am creating a gallery of Star Wars/Fruit and Vegetables fusion art that I will add to from time to time… And here it is:

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The Constitution is Hanging by a Thread…

A recent article I read on The Blaze  about America being at a constitutional tipping point brought to mind an old phrase about the United States Constitution hanging by a thread. I don’t blame Obama for the complete disintegration of our political structure it has been a long time coming, but I do argue that his policies have greatly accelerated the previously gradual erosion of our freedoms.

 

The constitution is hanging by a thread.

The constitution is hanging by a thread.

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Christmas Folklore, Legends and Traditions! Krampus and Knecht Ruprecht

Krampus!

 

I've got Krampus

I’ve got Krampus

 

Just as Santa differs in different regions so do his sidekicks. Krampus is basically a possessed, Satanic version of Black Peter and Rupert the Farm-hand. Krampus started as pre-Christian German figure and his legend spread to other alpine countries. Eventually he morphed into the guys we talked about before (Black Peter, Knecht Ruprecht) in some regions as he became incorporated into Christmas folklore. But he is still very much a part of the Christmas tradition in many places.

 

There are many variations of Krampus, but his basic form is that of a devilish, goat-like, beast. Long horns, cloven feet and covered with fur of varying colors.

 

Krampus is notoriously drunk and is said to reek of Schnapps and he likes to carry around a bundle of sticks to whip children with, and a tub or sack on his back so that he can more easily haul children off to be drowned, eaten or dragged to hell… I’m Not sure why this tradition never caught on in America.

 

Another Krampus-related tradition is to send out Krampus cards around the holidays. These cards usually depict Krampus shoving kids into baskets, pursuing large-breasted women or other strange sexual situations, Krampus is a real creep.

 

 

 

Merry Krampusnacht little Hans!

Merry Krampusnacht little Hans!

We already covered Black Peter but there are other guys that like to hang around with Santa to psychologically torment  and abuse naughty children…

 

Knecht Ruprecht

 

 

Knecht Ruprecht

 

 

 Ruprecht is another traditional German character. Roughly translated as Rupert the farm-hand. Rupert is basically Bizarro Santa; similar clothes but brown instead of red, long beard but it’s black instead of white, and he carries around a bag of ashes rather than toys. He gives some kids treats if they can prove to him that they are able to pray. But, if the kids are little heathens he beats them with his bag of ashes. He give bad kids crappy, useless gifts like coal, sticks and stones. So basically Santa has Rupert do all of his dirty work so he can bask in the glory of being the good guy. Apparently, Rupert can’t get a US Visa because Santa has to show his true colors and give out all the coal himself around these parts, and he seems to be pretty lax, that’s probably why kids are such spoiled brats here. We need more kids to be beaten with a bag of ashes…

 

Also, The Simpson’s dog is named Knecht Ruprecht in Germany rather than Santa’s little helper.

 

 

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Christmas Folklore, Legends and Traditions! The Immortal St. Picklas Origins

In honor of The Festival of San Picolas (Dec 6th), I have made The Tale of St. Picklas free to download on Amazon from December 6th until December 10th!

 

CLICK HERE!

 

On this special day of feasting it’s also fun to remember why we honor St. Picklas, so today we’re going to explore the legends and folklore surrounding St. Picklas from around the world.

 

St. Picklas Origins

 

San Picolas Sainthood

 

Have you ever wondered how St. Picklas received his sainthood?

 

 On December 6th in the year 815 AD, Picolas De Pepinillo was on a an important mission to provide an orphanage full of starving children with a bushel of his life sustaining cucumbers. Passing through the mountains of Zarn he was caught up in an intense blizzard. Well prepared for the journey, Picolas pressed on and soon came upon a benevolent bishop on the side of the road. The man was unresponsive and nearly frozen to death. Acting quickly, De Pepinillo wrapped the bishop in his own coats and carried him through the deep snow drifts. Close to death he continued on with the thought of the poor starving children awaiting his Christmas gifts. On the doorstep of the orphanage, Picolas collapsed. 

 

 The bishop, having regained his strength, worked feverishly with the children to revive their benefactor. After trying nearly everything they attempted one last impossible task…  Picolas de pepinillo awoke hours later in a tub of vinegar and cucumbers. The brine successfully thawed him out but had marinated him to the core. Any other man would have succumbed to the drastic change to their system but not Picolas. His goodness and faith had transformed him into the pickle man we know and love!

 

 St. Picklas has expanded his mission to feed the world’s children. He is determined to bring the children of the world whatever pickle they desire; bread and butter, hamburger chips, cold pack… the choices are endless!

 

How is St. Picklas represented in other cultures?

 

International Picklas

 

You may be curious how St. Picklas is represented in other cultures. St. Picklas is widely celebrated in all parts of the world. Each area and culture integrates their traditions and beliefs in order to make St. Picklas more accesible.

 

 Here are just a few of the variations you might find:

 

 United Kingdom.

In the UK, children anxiously await the advent of Father Crispness, a sweet crunchy old man that has ties to the elemental celtic foundation of the British Isles. Father Crispness bestows delicious, crisp, cold pack dills to good little boys and girls.

 France and Belgium.

In Frankish nations, Pere Petrin rides into town on a sleigh pulled by a team of fine bread and butter horses. Pickles are usually delivered with a sliver of cheese as the children cower beneath their sheets.

 

 Netherlands.

In the great, bearded, nations to the north, Sintergerkin, is assisted by his little pickled herring henchmen. He rides into villages on a great pure bred white scallion. If the children are bad, his little herrings kidnap the kids, bottle them up, and ship them to Spain. If the Children are good they are treated with roe stuffed gherkins in their shoes.

 

Have you ever wondered what St Picklas does during the off season?

 

Have you ever wondered what St Picklas does during the off season? We always see pictures of Santa Claus surfing in Hawaii or lounging on a beach in the Caribbean.

 

  St. Picklas doesn’t have the same luxury as Old St. Nick… Remember, St. Picklas is a pickle, in order for him to maintain premium operational capacity he seals himself in a specially designed brining capsule. While Papa Noel bakes his wrinkled, cookie injected skin on the Island of Ibiza; San Picolas is gradually marinating himself in magic Christmas brine. Like a vintage vat of Christmas Wassail, St. Picklas only gets stronger with age!

 

Kosher?

Kosher?

If you are sick of seeing St. Picklas posts, I promise this will be the last St. Picklas post of the season.

 

For highly informative articles on Christmas folklore follow the links:

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions El Caganer

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions Krampus and Knecht Ruprecht

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions The Yule Goat

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions Sinterklass

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions X-Mas Origins

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions Desktop Wallpaper

Christmas Folklore Legends and Traditions A Son is Given

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Wow! When I Trace My Hand It Does Look Like a Turkey!

I like Thanksgiving, it’s a fun day. But November is really just a boring intermission between two awesome holidays! I don’t have a lot of inspiration when it comes to Thanksgiving, so I probably won’t do too many posts during this period. But stay tuned for a massive onslaught of Christmas stuff once the season officially starts!

 

 Oh and by the way, turkeys are are ugly, hideous beasts…
Hand Turkey

Wow! My hand really does look like a turkey when I trace it!

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2013!!!

Happy Halloween 2013!

Happy Halloween 2013!

Tonight is the night, when moldy tombs tremble and quake.

Children roam free is search of soul cakes.

Death is so close, you can feel his stale breath,

as he draws nearer and pants at your neck.

If you feel a draft in your room as you’re trying to sleep,

clutch your hands tight and cover your feet.

Cold caresses from a long expired breeze,

Some lonely, cold souls just want a mortal to squeeze.

 

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Almost 400 Downloads for All Hallows’ Curse!

 All Hallows’ Curse had a pretty good run during it’s promotional period, just under 400 downloads. Thanks to everyone who downloaded the book, I hope you enjoyed it, I know I enjoyed creating it. In a couple weeks I’ll throw a free St. Picklas promotion back up. Until then, my distopian, post-apocalyptic children’s book “A Triple Rad Day” is available for free download on amazon for the next 5 days: CLICK HERE! …if you want to. Thanks again!

thrrnfd

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